A letter to Royce

How is it that someone so small has conquered my heart, my mind, my entire being so effortlessly?

I have been asking this question since I first saw my baby's "picture"... His first ultrasound printout. He was the size of a lentil seed then.

The first time I held my little boy, I felt an overwhelming tug deep in my core; I knew I am bound to this tiny creature forever.

Oh it is not a walk in the park. Motherhood is the toughest job I have ever undertaken. Especially the first 3 months, it was an endless blur of dirty diapers, feeding, burping him and battling to put him to sleep. But though on auto-pilot most of the times due to exhaustion, regret never crossed my mind. I would willingly go though all those again, if I have to, because it is so worth it. Motherhood is by leaps and bounds the most rewarding job a woman can have.

To my dear sweetheart (who as of writing this is still 9 months), if by some stroke of fate in the future you have come across this blog entry, know that

You are amazing, wonderful, exquisite human being. I simply adore everything about you. Everyday i thank God that you happened to us.

Your every smile, chuckle or sign of delight always without fail gives me boundless joy.

Be patient with me. I am not perfect. But mummy will strive to be almost perfect for you. I hope you will love me inspite of my imperfections, warts and all.

It is okay if you find your daddy cooler and more fun to hang out with than mummy. Or if you find his cooking as more palatable than mine (which I believe will happen); I am cool with that. Or you want to play for boys only games with daddy; I will cheer both you on at the sideline. You can have favorites, I am really cool with that. No matter what I will always love you more than you love me.

It always move me everytime you scoot under my arm at night as if it's the only place you'd rather be. I don't think I will ever be ready when the time comes you need to start sleeping alone in your own room. But I promise to be brave because I have to let you go, many times actually in your lifetime, so you will grow and reach your full potential. Forgive mummy if she makes such drama everytime she has to let you go though.

I hope my darling you see me as your friend. You can confide in me about anything. I want to hear your thoughts even about the mundane. I am corny, cheesy, silly - you can laugh with me.

I hope in life you will follow your dreams, your passion. Always play and fight fair in everything you do, my boy. In the person that you already are, I am proud of you. My love for you is bottomless, unlimited, and has no expiry date. You will always be the apple of my eye.