Feels Like Home

I would like to share this song from Dawson's Creek OST. Yes this may seem so corny and cheesy, but this song conveys what I am feeling now. I'll just blog the details some other time because I don't know where to start. Perhaps I'm just too overwhelmed with what's happening. Basta all I can say for now is: Thank you so much, Ria! Super ganda mo talaga! :D

FEELS LIKE HOME
Chantal Kreviazuk

There's something in your eyes
Makes me want to lose myself
Makes me want to lose myself in your arms

There's something in your voice
Makes my heart beat fast
Hope this feeling lasts for the rest of my life

If you knew how lonely my life has been
And how long I've been so alone
If you knew how I wanted someone to come along
And change my life the way you've done

Feels like home to me
Feels like home to me
Feels like I'm all the way back where I come from

Feels like home to me
Feels like home to me
Feels like I'm all the way back where I belong

A window breaks down a long dark street
And a siren wails in the night
But I'm alright cause I have you here with me
And I can almost see through the dark there's light

If you knew how much this moment means to me
And how long I've waited for your touch
If you knew how happy you are making me
I've never thought I'd love anyone so much

Feels like home to me
Feels like home to me
Feels like I'm all the way back where I come from

Feels like home to me
Feels like home to me
Feels like I'm all the way back where I belong
Feels like I'm all the way back where I belong

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My new number

I woke up this morning with a slight stiff-neck because Claire and I had slept like sardines (this means, siksikan kami sa isang single-sized bed na parang sardinas). While still groggy, I grabbed my phone and decided to change my keypad passcode. I was very confident in inputting the numbers because it's just a 4-digit combination based from my birth date anyway. Why didn't I find it odd that I was prompted to input the code 3 times, I don't know. I just went ahead and entered the same combination again and again. I was suprised when an error message showed up that I locked my sim and I needed to input the PUK to unlock it... Great! Apparently, it had asked for my sim passcode not the keypad -- not following instructions talaga! I couldn't remember the PUK code so I had no choice but to buy a new sim. Huhuhuhuhu naging attached pa naman ako sa number ko na yun :( Lessons learned? Well, first, never ever lose your sim's PUK especially if you're using prepaid. Second, never ever change passwords when you're sleepy. Just drink a cup of coffee or update your blog kahit na with walang-kwentang post, which is exactly what I'm doing right now. By the way, my new number is 09274991108. Text nyo ako ha... :

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Still Unwritten

As I listened to Canon in D Major (remember Sassy Girl? that music being played on the piano by the lead actress?), I couldn't help but to switch to my senti mode. I realized that November is just around the corner, December will soon follow and shocks, this year will say buh-bye in no time! What happened to me this year? Hmmm so many things have happened actually! Before this year started I had embraced being "single and available" again, which gave me the chance to build a closer relationship with my family. I vacationed to places, (Sagada, Baguio and Boracay - local lang muna, sana next year Europe na, hehe) that used to be just dreams with old (err... mature pala) and new friends. I transferred to another workplace as a strategic career move (naks!) and though it was just 3 months ago, I am already "at home" here. I also joined a religious community to strengthen my relationship with God - one of the best decisions I have done, promise! I met new faces through the activities I attended both in and outside work. In fact 300+ na friends ko sa Friendster! Wow what an accomplisment, diba?

Yes, the year is nearing its end, with just 2 months to go. Uhhhmmm okay, what's next? Well, there's Claire definitely leaving soon for US (huhuhuhuhu :( ) to be with her handsome husband (gag..gag..help! kasukaon ko! :P). Or maybe by mid-November Ria might suddenly show up at our doorstep because she can't bear being far far away from her bby, hehehe. Or perhaps more NEC pips jumping out of the boat and joining us here in Manila? (Hahaha kung sino pa nagbabalak dyan, tutulungan namin kayo :P) I really don't have an inkling what's gonna happen next. But I have this feeling that there are no less exciting "happenings" coming my way. Alright then, bring it on! :)

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

Ayan, feel na feel talaga :P

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Wala lang... tinatamad lang.

I planned to start working early today. I even managed to be here in the office around 9am - earlier than my usual 10:55 (hehe, we're allowed for a flexi 'til 11am). Because I wanted to be more productive today, finish my tasks ahead of time para sureball na maregular ako this Feb. And also, I have to leave the office early this PM to meet a friend for a chitchat. But the moment I sat down in this chair all those noble plans flew out of the window and were ran over by buses at Ayala Ave. For the past 2 hours, I have been doing non work-related things - browsed horoscope at myyahoo, ate a yummy (and cholesteroly) McDo longganisa meal, drank my favorite Mister Donut brewed coffee and chatted with Ria about the wonders of Servlets (hehehe joke!). And now I'm blogging... So you see, useless na inagahan ko pumasok ngayon! Grrr...

Someone reminded me yesterday about Newton's first law of motion - the law of inertia. The law states that every object persists in its state of rest or uniform motion in a straight line unless it is compelled to change that state by forces impressed on it. Ahhhh (Twing! may lightbulb na umilaw inside my pretty head...) this explains why I am having so much difficulty to start working. Because, I am still in my state of rest I need force to get me moving. But you see, I don't have that needed force right now, because I'm really weak with hunger - malapit na kasi lunch : Ngak ang OA ko! Hello.. kakakain ko lang kaya ng McDo. The truth is I'm suffering from a bad case of tamad-isis.

Laziness is probably my worst flaw. Back in college, I used to procrastinate studying and making projects that I would usually go in a state of frenzy and panic when deadlines near. I would then say the excuse that cramming is exciting and it brings out the best in me. I even marketed myself as "works well even under pressure" during my final interview in NEC and oh boy, I fooled those Japs to hire me.

So what now? Hmmm nothing.. wala naman talagang point tong blog ko.

Hay naku! Makapagtrabaho na nga! Good luck to me :

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Breaking down the walls

I am a very private person. Or I was... I used to be. I used to think I should always project this image of toughness, an aura of invulnerability. So I used to wear layers and layers of armors. I used to hide behind walls. Because I didn't want anybody to get too close for comfort. Even my closest friends they just have come to know the real me gradually or just recently, because I accidentally slipped out bits and pieces of my life's stories during the times we spent together.

To bare my soul to someone used to be a big no-no in my vocabulary. I would usually cringe whenever I happened to disclose a little bit more than what I had intended to share. Because I thought that telling that someone about my past, my fears, my dreams and my worries I would be giving him/her the ammunition to hurt me. Oh I guess, it's human nature to cocoon their feelings to protect themselves.

And yes it was effective. Nobody got the chance to hurt me to the point of leaving me hopelessly devastated and beyond repair. But I also realized nobody did know the real me. Nobody knew how truly gorgeous I am (hahaha gusto pa talagang isingit to o :-p). That realization left me utterly empty.

So now I am starting to share little bits and pieces of myself to my friends. I'd rather risk getting hurt than living and dying alone and unknown. But more importantly, I am tearing down these walls for Him. Because in the end, after the last wall crumbles, I am confident He will still love me and embrace me, warts and all.

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Si Milenyo (Part 2)

The electricity went out around 1PM yesterday. Good thing though our PCs and internet connection were alive and kicking because of UPS. But still, all of us here weren't in the mood to work - surf2x and chat na lang. Oh well, it's the weather's fault, hahaha. After we finished our delayed free lunch, and since the rain and strong winds already subsided, we agreed to go to Landmark (yes, open pala sya) and have some crepe for dessert in French Baker. After that, we went to SM grocery (yes, open din sya).

Makati seemed like a desolate town as I walked home last night. The aftermath of Milenyo left some trees uprooted, with leaves and branches scattered all over the streets. It was dark since there was no electricity. The stop lights weren't working, even the 7-11 store in our building didn't have a choice but to use candles. The elevators in our condo were also busted. Fortunately we just lived at the 3rd floor and the grocery bags I carried weren't heavy so it wasn't that much effort for me to use the stairs. Only the flickering emergency light bulb connected to the building's generator provided meager illumination in our unit. Bing and I were so bored, so kwentuhan na lang kami. I also received text messages, "bored ako, aliwin mo ako" huh? ano ako? entertainer? Apparently not only Makati was suffering lost of electricity. So, I resorted to texting until I heard the telltale beep - "wahh, low bat na ako! huhuhuhu" and I also received "ako rin, low bat na" replies. And not only I was low in battery, I was also low in load! It seemed like living in the province, that because of nothing else to do, you would just go to bed early. So that's what I did, I went to bed early - around 11pm, 2 hours earlier than my bedtime :P

As of 10AM this morning, before I left for the office, there's still no electricity in our condo bldg. Hopefully tonight it'll come back.. gusto ko kasi manood ng Majika.. last episode na kasi... huhuhuhu :( But as a backup plan, I've charged my cellphone here in the office (mangggamit! hahahaha) and I'm gonna buy some load later...

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Si Milenyo...

Though typhoon Milenyo is still on the way, we can now feel it's wrath. The gov't offices have no work. The US Embassy's doors are closed (I watched Unang Hirit eh). Even the stock trading is suspended (hahaha as if I ought to care). But we have work --- no surprise there. Our HR said that though it's signal #3, it's still up to the company to decide to suspend work or not. And they decided not to suspend it. Since I don't have an excuse to skip work because darn we live so near the office, I grudgingly dragged my feet amidst the flying yero's and irate rain to walk towards here. But grr, I wanna go home! Some of my friends are not required to report to work. They're not online in YM and Gtalk - less persons for me to chat with? Hehehe I bet they are just staying at home, snuggled in there comfortable beds, snoring... Hayyyy....

Our management just issued a directive that we can go home if we want to, but we should file it as a leave. Great! There's no choice then but to stay here... I still don't have leave benefits because I'm not yet a regular employee here. Naman! :(

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BIBO

BIBO is an acronym for Bata Ikaw ang Bukas Outreach. It is a program spearheaded by ANLP-Makati in coordination with Sun for All Children (an NGO) that holds English and Math tutorial classes for 30 underprivileged kids in Baseco. I have volunteered as a Math tutor and I have been attending it for 3 consecutive Saturdays now.

I remember the first time we went to Baseco. Though I had had some ideas on my head on what the place would look like, I was still disheartened when I saw it. I still find it hard to understand how they "multiplied" in that area. You see, Baseco was a shipyard before and it's been land-filled (actually more like garbage-filled) to make it "livable" by our less fortunate brothers and sisters. Thousands of families live there and there are an average of 4-5 kids per family. The first time I went there, it rained the night before. So the area was muddy and we had to be really careful not to step on loose ground so as not to have our shoes submerged into some murky piles of garbages. It was an ala-extra-challenge experience, I tell you, as we fought not to lose our balance trekking to the venue.

On the 2nd Saturday, the venue was moved near what they call the "sea wall". We now have to pass by this meter-wide strip which is more passable than the previous one. But it's advisable not to get too friendly with the kids playing around the area. Or else they might just grab you saying "swimming tayo, Ate!" and push you to dive into the garbage-ladened Manila bay, ewww!

I was assigned to teach a group of kids that started with 5 but now they're 8 :) Last Saturday, I went there armed with stronger conviction to teach my kids Math and to make them absorb the lessons no matter what it took. I thought it would just be another normal tutoring day for me, but I was wrong. Something happened that I didn't expect. Because we did something different that day... Instead of tutors taking snacks together with other tutors and all the kids eating together as a bunch, the tutors and the kids assigned to them ate their snacks together. While I was eating my sandwich, I noticed a couple of my kids not eating their chocolate cakes. I just thought maybe they weren't hungry yet. But then Christian (the most lambing boy in my group) approached me, asking for a plastic. So I asked, "What for? Di nyo ba gusto yung cake? Di nyo kasi kinakain eh...". Christian, in his sweet and innocent voice answered me, "Ate George, iuuwi ko po kasi sa amin. Ibibigay ko sa mga kapatid ko. May plastic po ba kayo?" And all the others chorused, "Ako din po Ate George, penge ng plastic."

Shocks, I was dumbfounded. Because the kids, who I believe rarely get the chance to eat a free cake, still thought of their siblings at home! Heck, if I were them, I would gladly gobble down my cake without a second thought! Simply amazing, diba?

I told my co-tutors about this and they said they had noticed that before. So we'd usually serve two snacks because if we'd only serve one, most of the kids would never eat it because they would bring it home for their siblings. So, the tendency is, they'd still be hungry until the end of the tutoring session. I was humbled upon hearing that. I initially thought I would be the one who would teach them some Math lessons. The kids taught me a greater lesson in life - that it's possible to be unselfish and to care for your loved ones even in the midst of poverty.

The next time I'll go there, I vow to get to know my kids some more. I want to know more about their families, their dreams, what makes them laugh and what makes them cry. I hope I can make a difference in their lives just like the way they have touched mine.

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